Whatever it is I think I see...Becomes a Tootsie Roll to me

Oh how sweet it is to reminisce, I found this jewel today!

An open letter....

This is the first of many to come open letters......



To the people who wear sunglasses indoors-

Dear sir,

I say sir because in my experience it always seems to be gentleman, if there are the few ladies out there this can also be for you.

It has recently come to my attention that some of you are still choosing to wear sunglasses indoors. This letter is being drawn up to inform you that this practice is no longer socially acceptable, nor was it ever for that matter.

Please ask yourself these questions:

1. Am I a celebrity?



2. Did I just visit the eye doctor?



3. Am I in the witness protection program?



4. Am I blind?...trick question! If you are blind how are you reading this?

If any of those above apply to you you may stop reading this now as you are forgiven. For those of you who didn't find your out up above I need for you to understand something. You are not "cool" or "awesome" . Please take this moment to run to the shower and cry. After the tears are gone you may return to finish.

Now you are thinking to yourself "if this was so uncool or not awesome why didn't anyone say anything to me?" Well perhaps it's because they didn't want to hurt your feelings. You see when someone like yourself manages to find something that makes them feel socially accepted you tend to cling to it and hold on for dear life. I have decided it is my job to figuratively remove your sunglasses and smash them with my foot on the ground. Before you remove them and move onto something else that you think is cool but isn't here are some more things to avoid to help you out...

1. Sweatpants in public



2. Head visors



3. Sweatbands when not working out



4. Professional wrestling shirts



5. Velcro shoes, unless you are under the age of 6

I wish you the best of luck!

-Me

Car Twin part Duex!

It happened! I came face to face with my car twins owner. Ironically he was at the liquor store. Today being Friday and I just finished dropping off a load for shipment at the post office I felt like picking up a six pack. I saw my nemesis there before I even pulled in. A smile of grimace overtook my face. I pulled up, and went in. I curiously looked around as though I didn't know what I wanted, secretly looking for my foe like a hunter stalking its prey...Nothing! Only the lady at the front counter, then I heard indistinguishable voices coming from the back office. He was in there talking to the owner. I had to concede for now. I paid for my six pack of happiness and returned to my vehicle. As I was buckling up I saw a man approach. After seeing me he seemed almost started. I then realised it was he. He was leaving and mistook my vehicle for his own. After seeing me in it he must have glanced over to see his own. He then tried to play it off as though nothing happened. For a brief moment our eyes met and it was if I could read his thoughts, a wave of calm overtook me as I realised....my truck is better than his. I waved at him and he waved back. While our short friendship only lasted a few brief seconds it has left a mark on my heart I shall never forget. So long car twin!

Coffee Pot Head

Yes I'm still addicted to the sweet sweet taste of the coffee bean so I decided to write about it some more. I'm not sure what to write about it..maybe I need some right now for inspiration? NO. It's past nine at night that would be bad. Maybe I should write about my fictional coffee place I want to open if I ever win the lottery... Java the Hut. Picture a huge Jabba the Hut like creature holding a coffee cup with coffee all over his face and it running down his chin for the sign. Since I've won the lottery I may as well buy the place next door and turn it into a Pizza the Hut, I wonder who would sue me first George Lucas or Pizza Hut? I guess technically if I did it creatively enough I could probably play it off as a coincidence.

I'm in love

With coffee that is. I'm not sure why now. I have drank coffee for years, 6 or so to be exact. I stopped drinking it a year ago and switched over to tea. Recently I broke out my little teeny tiny coffee pot and decided to make a pot. It tasted much better than I remembered. The next time I was at the store I picked up some Folgers French, blah blah whatever. That tasted even better. My little pot could only make the equivalent of two cups so I was brewing multiple pots just to equal a normal coffee pots worth. Recently I ordered a Gevalia full size coffee pot and it came with four twelve once packs of coffee. I got a nice little assortment going now. My only problem is I have to cut myself off quite early in the day or I pay for it at night time. Coffee seems to stay in me longer. I did mange to kick drinking pop out of this whole deal though, not that my one can a day habit was anything to worry about, I just have to have one positive thing to say when I traded 45 MG of caffeine for 900 a day. Maybe I'll have to ween myself down from the pot and slowly add half decaf into the normal. It's funny because you can read articles saying how bad it is for you and the next day read one about how it is good for you. Reminds me of the egg debate.

How much of your favorite caffeinated drink would it take to kill you? Find out!

and now for a random comic that has nothing to do with this story

Wine baby

While shopping at the grocery store the other day I noticed they had some wine on sale. I bought two bottles, a merlot and a white zinfandel...Don't ever buy cheap merlot by the way it's kind of like grape juice with paint thinner added to it. Anywho, so yesterday I decided to open up the White Zin. I removed the seal thingy and see a cork. I dug around and found a corkscrew, kinda broken but it does the trick anyway. While attempting to remove the cork I managed to crack the bottle a bit. I HATE corks!!! They are fun for about ten seconds untill you pull on it to hard and spill wine everywhere. Do they still make them with corks by popular demand?!? Yes I understand that it is "neat" or "cool" to have the cork still but come on! I'm not sure where this is going, I was just frustrated at my chipped bottle and thought of a cool title and figured

I'd go with it.

Car Twin

Hello, and welcome to my first post/blog. I figured I'd start with what's on my mind......
So last week my friend called me on the phone and it went something like this:
Friend: Wow you must like to drink
Me: What?
Friend: I have seen your car at the liquor store atleast three times this week
Me: I seriously doubt that
Friend: Yeah right! Don't be ashamed to admit you have a problem (halfway joking)
Me: DUDE, I don't know what you are talking about!
So I kept wondering about why he thought it was me....I should note I have a Honda Passport..those are pretty rare I have seen maybe two in town to date, and mine is a not so common color: silver, plus it has Running boards which really set it apart.
Yesterday I was driving home and I turn at the liquor store...I saw it! A VERY similar vehicle to mine... in fact the same color. It isn't a Honda Passport though. It's an Isuzu Rodeo, which looks identical to an untrianed eye (as though my eye is trained to spot those things)....anyway it's the same color as mine... So now this is a problem, someone out there with my cars twin is making me look like a lush by going to the liquor store a lot! The way I see it there are only a few solutions:
1. Kindly ask the man or lady to give up drinking for my and their own sake.
2. Put a large sticker in my back window distinguishing my vehicle even further but also sacrificing visability and risking a future wreck.
3. Use the mistaken identity to my advantage..... anytime I forget something or let something slip or for any excuse for that matter
Person #1: Hey Dan, that wasn't cool of you to back into my car the other day.
Me: Sorry, I have a drinking problem
Person #2: Hey Dan, Could you watch my kids on Saturday?
Me: Sorry, I have a drinking problem
Person #3: Hey Dan, mind helping me move?
Me: Sorry, I have a drinking problem
Person #4: Hey Dan, that wasn't cool of you not to show up at AA and be my support
Me: sorry, I have a...oh wait that won't work for that one...DOH!